Critisize my Poem?

Bros always got your back



friends are always true

no matter what they love you

The ones that lie

are just there to get high

boys always got ur back

even when ur livin in a shack

the others only party

when your sippin on bacardi

Bros love to be your wingman

even thoe you aint batman

and you cant quite sing the scatman

but they always got your back man

Then some show up to cockblock

or move in on your own block

But your bros are always on the clock

Always ready to smack those that take you as a joke

Because your bros always got your back, even when theres nothing around to smoke.



Tell me what you think, its not a traditional poem about love and flowers...I am not the traditional writer, I am a college student that enjoys partying and recently discovered writing can be fun and meaningful when your writing about something you care about. Let me know what you think, ive had a few beers and wrote this tonight based on a recent experience...its the first poem ive ever put online.

Critisize my Poem?
I read this through once and was going to let you have it.



I read it through a second time and was going to let you have it



I read it through a third time and I reckon if you don't tout it to be something that it isn't, and add some beats to the background....you may have something that would appeal to a certain market. Imagery, meter, and all the usual components that I won't bother going into are completely void.....but good on you, it made me smile
Reply:sounds like a rap.

all you need is a beat!
Reply:Okay, you want criticism?

Capitalization at the begining of lines is nice, unless you're going for an e.e. cummings kind of thing which it doesnt seem like you are.



The repetition is tedious rather than helping to stress a point. Its like a crappy rap song, but you may or may not take that as a compliment. Let it be known it's not intended as such. Chatspeak such as "ur" should probably be avoided.

I understand that you're trying to make some kind of statement or whatever and think you're incredibly original, but its not unique, its like dozens of shi*ty radio songs, its not cute, and its pretty much just bad and could have been written by a stoned kindergartener. That's my opinion.
Reply:i like it a lot =) good job! if I were to offer some constructive criticism I'd say change the wingman/batman rhyme, and make certain lines have more syllabuls (sp?) so it flows better. Overall its pretty cool! =D
Reply:i read bros always got your back and stopped reading it that is stupid .
Reply:HOLY ****!! thats the best rap i have ever read! u are the ******* man and i was just taken to school!!!
Reply:like you said you had a few beers before you wrote it...
Reply:You better drink a few more before you read the coming reviews.



One thing is certain you either have thick skin or big b#lls