For Etiquette Experts: Thanking a thanks?

(Please include a link to the online etiquette source at which you found your answer or quote the etiquette book and author.)



Is it considered BY ETIQUETTE EXPERTS proper to say thank you to someone who gives or sends you a thank you gift? Is it improper *not* to?



Example: Someone helps you with something. You send flowers or candy as a thank you gift. That person does not respond nor acknowledge receipt of the thank you gift. Is that person's non-response proper or improper?



Again, please remember I am asking for official etiquette rules, not just your personal feelings or opinions. Thanks.

For Etiquette Experts: Thanking a thanks?
Because the initial thank you took the form of a gift, not a thank you note, it is appropriate to acknowledge the gift. Weather the recipient does so with a note of thanks or a phone call is largely a personal choice. A thank you “gift” is a larger gesture than a thank you note, and the generosity should be addressed, lest the giver mistake the decision to “not thank a thank you,” for ingratitude.



If the initial "thanks for the help with. . . " had been expressed with a card, no formal response would be required—in this case you would be, literally, sending a thank you card in response to a thank you card, which would appear artificial. The proper response should seem graceful and effortless, not fretted over.



As a few others have noted, finding an online or written source for specific, practical applications of etiquette is difficult. Rules of etiquette are social convention and are always changing (if slightly). Most online etiquette sites are just community boards where people post questions (or gripes ;) to be answered by “experts,” and I have not been able to find any posts that address this issue, specifically. It’s much easier to site references for dining etiquette (how to eat asparagus, gratuity for the sommelier, unfold the napkin completely/leave it partially folded, and so on), etc.





I can say that etiquette books will tell you (Etiquette, by Emily Post is a good one) to send a thank you card if you receive a gift from someone, but that you need not send a thank you card in response to a thank you card. The dilemma here is that the gesture is both a thank you and a gift.
Reply:I read in Dear Abby (or Ann Landers) once that it it not necessary to "thank a thanks". I believe her point was, where do you stop thanking?! "Thank you for thanking me for the thank you gift" was the gist of the example she used.
Reply:Just like any situation when you thank someone, the person says you're welcome, not "thank you" in return. If the thank you is in the form of a gift, it won't kill the person receiving it to say thanks for your gift either.
Reply:Well sorry I cannot look up any sources for you I only know what I was brought up as a source.



No I do not think it is right to send a thank you for a thank you, Sure when you see them or such as the other said then it is ok to mention it and say thanks, but to go out of your way to send another thank you for a thank you is overkill and not necessary.



It is YOU they are thanking, saying your Welcome when you see them would make more sence to me than to say thanks also.



Again sorry i do not have any references other than my family upbringing.



YES though their are etiquette experts. Some have written books and one thing i do know is that European and USA Eating etiquete is not the same.
Reply:ha ha not really. you might say you're welcome or mentioned that you received the nice thank you note. but don't say "thank you for the thank you"
Reply:Edited to add: You put it on the public board, it's open to anyone to reply. And, as you seem to believe there is some sort of 'Etiquette Board' or 'National Association of Etiquette Experts' out there, I had hoped to correct your misapprehension. Apparently not.



~*~*~*~



What's an 'Etiquette Expert'? It's not like we've got degrees in this ~ we're mostly just a bunch of people who prefer a civil society and are trying to help people who find it difficult to negotiate some of the complexities of modern life, and get help ourselves.



If you want the advice of someone who calls themselves an 'expert', you could probably pay $29.95 for a book. Ask at your local bookshop, they'll be glad to help!



And by the way ~ rules aren't everything. Sometimes a kind heart and a generous spirit are more important than the letter of the law.
Reply:Well, I'm not going to find a source for what I already know. Anyhow, the answer to your question is that it is improper to send a note or gift, the proper thing to do is to call or when you see them next say, "I got the flowers, they're so pretty" or something to that extent.