I think that my girlfriend who's widowed, is lying how can I know?

I've started to get confused and concerned that this "widow" I'm seeing may not be after all.... I met her online and we seem to hit it off great. She's a nurse and I find her very attractive. She says that she's in love with me. On Friday we had incredible sex. And she was very tight since she said that her late husband was sick for the last four years and they could not have sex. And that he died seven months ago of complications from diabetes. But over the weekend and the last couple days things seemed to have cooled. She went out with "friends" and seems to be busy when I want to see her. I took her flowers to her work last night, but she was home with a migraine. This morning I got wondering so I tried to look up her dead hubby's obituary, and found no results at all. So I did a phone search and found their listing is still the same.


So I'm wondering if she is truly a widow or just a cheating wife? Can anyone advise me on how to find out, or what I signs should look for?

I think that my girlfriend who's widowed, is lying how can I know?
If he died 7 months ago, maybe she just hasn't told the phone company yet and asked them to remove his name. Also, even if she DID - those phone listings you find on the internet are NEVER completely up to date. I just looked myself up on a few of them - and addresses and phone numbers that I haven't lived at or #'s that haven't been mine are STILL showing up from years and years ago. If anyone was trying to find me - they'd have a heck of a time with all my old addresses and phone numbers. Of course my current phone number is no where to be found on the internet - so - once something gets onto these "Online Phone Directories" - I don't think it get's deleted, even if you die. My grandfather passed in 2002 and his address and phone number are still coming up.





I think you are being insecure and jumping to conclusions. Just because she went out with friends and things "cooled down with you" after you guys had sex - maybe she needs space. She might be feeling bad because now that's she's slept with you, she doesn't have he comfort of knowing her dear, deceased husband was the last man she was intimate with. It might have been "too soon" for her to do something like this - and even though he's gone, she might feel like she has cheated on him. (I think most people wait a year) You have to remember - it's only been 7 months! It takes more than 7 months to heal from a break-up - there's no WAY she's over her husband's death in just 7months - I don't care how sick he was.





But, you do your best to move on, and sometimes you backslide on your progress and just want to indulge yourself in being alone with your grief. But no one is going to tell you that. That's very private. She's probably not going to tell you after you've slept together that she's still mouring over the death of her husband. Not unless you ask her, I'll address that at end of this posting, but please read the rest of this advice first.





Put yourself in her shoes. If you just lost your wife 7 months ago, and you were trying to move on with your life, so you could fool everyone into thinking you are O.K. and if you were trying to start a new relationship with you for whatever reason: "To help you recover from your sadness" or "Just so people stop feeling sorry for me because my husband died and now I'm alone". You would be the only person who knows how you feel - and those are VERY PRIVATE feelings that you certainly would not want to discuss with anyone, especially your new lover who might feel like they are being used.





Not everyone puts an obituary in the paper. Especially after what I told you about once it's on the net - it stays on the net. A lot of people are very private and especially if someone is left a "widow" - having that information posted on the internet with all that personal information about her name and the names of any kids, nieces, nephews, grandkids, etc.. and she's living by herself now - I wouldn't want that infomation out there if I was her. There are a lot of nut jobs out there. And her phone is listed.... She was probably worried about internet sicko's calling her and saying they were a good friend of her husband, they knew him from _______ and he always talked about her ______ and their kids ______ and _____. they'd have all that information from the obituary. So - forget it! Who needs that? When someone dies, there is another way to let people know: you call the people you want to know.





What I think happened, is she's not done mourning yet. I think she thinks she might have jumped into a relationship with you too soon, when she's still missing and loving her departed husband, and sleeping with you made her realise that. How many times have 2 people slept together, only to wake up the next day and say: "That was a mistake!" Quite a lot. Give her space. Don't assume she's a cheating wife. That's horrible to think that. If you already don't trust her - I think this relationship is just doomed. It's doomed because you don't trust her and your assuming the worst without hearing her side or asking her what's she REALLY feeling? And it's doomed because it was just too soon after her husband passed.





Sorry, but, there is so much pressure on people today to be "Happy" and "Positive" that people will pretend to be all those things because thats what's expected of them. Its Keeping Up Appearances. And then they don't get a chance to go through the natural healing process which takes months, even years to go through. Trying to act like you're "ok" before you really and truly are is never a good thing. And in the future - keep that in mind, that break-ups, divorces and deaths of spouses take a lot of time for healing and if someone jumps into a relationship with you very quickly after one of these - you are just the "rebound" guy - the guy they are using to try to get over the other person. Now you know that lesson for the future.





If you want a snowball's chance in heck to make this relationship work - take the insight I just gave you and ask her: "Listen, do you feel bad about being with me? Are you having regrets? Thinking it was too soon? You can tell me. I just want to know what's going on so I know if it's something I did or if you just think it was too soon to start another relationship."





Good Luck!
Reply:That's horrible! I'm so sorry to hear that.Sounds like she was trying to protect your feelings by not letting you get "too close" now that she knows she's not going to be around much longer. However, she also likes you, so a selfish part of her wants to spend time with you. Report It

Reply:Whatever the outcome is, I truely hope you both find the peace you both need. Take care and I'll keep you both in my thoughts. Report It

Reply:The ring on her finger should give her away :)


most ppl wouldn't change the listing she still has the last name, widow or not, he died not her...
Reply:When you ask her a Question,look into her eyes and see if you see the nervousness in her eyes.also,watch and see if she stumbles on an answer.one more thing,if she usually looks you in the eyes when talking,and she doesnt when you ask her an important question,then shes lying.
Reply:ASK HER!!! First of all if things were great... you had sex.. and now shes not around.. then she is probably over it. Whether she is married, widow, or whatever, ask her.
Reply:this is tough I can't help you out here, but you are off to the right start, looking up obituaries and stuff, I think there is a way to go to the pubic health office and look up a death certificate, but I'm not sure, maybe ask around, like her co-workers and stuff, she may be lying to you, her husband might be really sick or something. She also could have fealt guilty for what she did, even though her husband is dead. Guilt can really get to a woman
Reply:Could be a cheating wife or she was disappointed in you


for some reason..
Reply:talk to her about your concerns. if you get no where, then talk to someone where she works. if you can't get the answers you need then maybe it's time to move on. good luck and i hope you find the answers you need.
Reply:If you want to spend the money do a background check. It sounds like she was just busy. Of course she could be lying and role playing because she's bored. Don't follow her around or anything but you definitely find out if she was married.


Just because she was tight, that means nothing. Ever heard of keigle (SP?)muscles?
Reply:follow ur gut instinct when in doubt run as fast as u can
Reply:Go to her house in the evening. See who's home. Or surprise her with bagels on Sat. morning, see who's home. Also check out your counties web site. Under Deeds, I know ours shows the death certificate.
Reply:Sorry,,,but please get out of Dodge quickly...move on with your life with someone not so "secretive"...or unwilling %26amp; without a "migraine" as an excuse..don't know you ..don't know her...but just get on with your life without all this b.s. and by the way......Good Luck
Reply:You might be on to something! But on a different note, if you don't trust her do you want to have anymore to do with her?
Reply:Have a female friend call and ask for Mr. Whatshisname. That might give you your answer.