Wednesday, February 1, 2012

How do you leave someone you love?

My husband cheated. He cheated once before we got married and after he deployed to Iraq he cheated online and wrote this girl poems and sent her flowers and talked about starting a relationship with her when he got back and referred to me as his ex, but I found out and ended everything for him. He says he loves me and it was just a stupid mistake when he was lonely and couldn't get ahold of me. He says he's really, really sorry and wants to work everything out and make everything ok. I just don't know how I feel anymore. I love him, I really do, but he needs to make some big changes if we're going to work it out separate from the cheating and I won't know if he's really going to make them until he's back, and that's a year to wait. That's a long time to wait in limbo not knowing if what you're waiting for is worth it. I'm really, really confused. I love him, I do, so much, but love doesn't make a relationship work, and I have my pride too. Any advice?

How do you leave someone you love?
you get real and put one foot in front of the other
Reply:if he is serious about loving you and being sorry.. he will go into counseling with you



good luck
Reply:Maybe a year apart is the best thing for you both right now. Being deployed is no excuse for his behaviour - he needs to know the boundaries of your marriage and what is a 'deal breaker' for you. Consider the year a trial separation (really, what else can you do anyway?). Tell him that you want to do your own thing until you figure out what you want. Keep your dealings with him light and caring, but make it clear that you are living your own life for the time being. Then do just that.
Reply:the sad part is he really will not understand what he's lost until you are gone.



I had the shutdown my marriage and months later I got the speech that I was one of a kind to her and she now knows how much she really loved me ...etc,etc.



I love her and always will, but you know what.... i'm doing just fine without her in my life and you can too.



All I can tell you is pray for you piece of mind, gather the strength to make a wise decision for you because a person cannot love you if they don't even love themselves truly.



If he loved himself he's have respect for the relationship principle and be adult enough to let you know he either wanted out or wanted to give 100% to try. But like most they don't..they'd rather hold on a drag a person along until whatever is out of their system.



That leaves you holding the ball to make a move. To be the adult since he isn't. It's a crying shame I know. Been there.
Reply:ditch him, he's weak and can't be trusted.
Reply:Your husband is a liar--he has no intention of making the relationship work; the other woman just didn't work out that's all--don't kid yourself; ditch him and find someone reliable.
Reply:If your question is really "how to leave someone you love" %26amp; that happens to be your decision to leave, then, the answer will be stop loving him for a start, focus on his bad points.
Reply:My boyfriend is in the military, and I understand the feelings you have especially when they're so far from home. It takes a strong woman and I give you praise for that.



I suggest that you both, as husband and wife, contact your base marriage therapist. This stuff happens a lot and since these therapists are trained to deal specifically with military families, I highly suggest it.



Any good relationship takes a lot of work on both ends. He's home now, I assume, so start making these steps together.
Reply:love does make relationships work but love has to come from 2 not 1 to make it work
Reply:Like the song says, "Sometimes love aint enough". Especially if there is no trust.
Reply:you have to decide which you love more: your husband who is an unrepentant cheater or your self respect and self esteem.
Reply:i hope he gets back alive, but leave him. you shouldnt have to do this, he doesnt deserve you. i think you're absolutely right! y0u can always lean on family and friends for support, if you need, but you need to look out for yourself, and being with this man isnt gunna help you do that.



good luck!!!!!! !!!!!
Reply:If you do not have children yet....get out. He has shown serial behavior that hes always going to be letting you down. Before you got married and after. This is not a mistake while youre away....this is lies on top of it...poems, flowers, COME ON... Put on your boots Nancy Sinatra and walk.
Reply:people dont change..if he really loved u he wouldnt have done this in d first place. a realtionship is about trust...do u really thnk u can trust him now?u shouldnt be sitting around waiting for him especially if hes not doin d same thing.. leave him..start new.. with someone who will never hurt you...
Reply:You are the only one that really can make a decision. We can give you lots of opinion. But deep in you heart you know if he can modify his behavior. When the trust is gone a lots of thing are gone with it.



Best of luck!


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