I've been married or less than a year and want out....?
All marriages take work, however, it helps if the parties involved are more mature than "sending another girl flowers." You need to both decide what you are willing to put into this relationship, because it takes both working very hard. It sounds like he isn't sure and wants to keep other women hanging to fall back on . That isn't commitment, and doesn't sound like a serious person to me. Does he know that opened up a wound in your heart that is hard to heal and if so takes a long time. What has he actively done since then that shows a change in heart? Does he make you feel loved? No wonder you are "thinking of a past friend", you are reaching out and from all appearance in your note-I didn't see one time you said you felt loved...Everyone deserves love and respect in a marriage and you don't seem like you are receiving either one. I am sorry, but I just don't think you can change him-and I don't know if he really wants to change...
Good Luck to you!
Reply:Counseling! Lots of counseling and your husband's chaplain is a great place to start. Ask about chaplain sponsored marriage retreats too! You committed to this guy and you ought to at least try to stay committed especially since he's straigtening up himself. Forget about this other friend. You're married and not to the other friend! Try to stick together with your husband. Wedding vows shouldn't be taken lightly.
Reply:Give your marriage a real shot before you give up. Try counseling or going to church. Sometimes all someone needs is a little spiritual guidance. Personally I think you moved too quickly though and shouldn't have married him after such a short period of time. But since you did you really need to try and see if things will work out. If you really feel that he is not the one for you then you need to leave. Everyone deserves to be happy.
Reply:if your husband straightened up i say forgive him and try to work it out. get the best friend out of the picture because you are just using what your husband did as an excuse to justify your own actions. this is wrong. the grass is not greener on the other side. if you really can't move on from what happened, let go of your husband but also take some time for yourself - don't just go running to the friend.
Reply:Sounds like you want this guy to lean on because you feel that you can't lean on your husband [you stated that you discoverd your feeling WHEN you felt that your husband was up to something].
You need to see if you can find trust in your husband again.
Reply:You both need to grow up. Getting married is a special thing that shouldn't be taken so lightly. He went out and bought someone flowers what a jerk!!!! Now you are in love with your friend. See that is why we all shouldn't take marriage so lightly.
Reply:Seek counseling for atleast six months, before considering divorce.
Reply:That is exactly the reason that people suggest dating for a couple of years before marriage.
Reply:The fact is you shouldn't have to work so hard for him to behave himself....sometimes military marry because they are scared to be alone and sometimes because they do not want to be in the barracks......If you BOTH are not 100% for each other I don't believe trying to work on it will help....Why try to force feelings??These things should come natural and you should both be willing....right?
If you truely feel that you are in the wrong place then start getting a plan together so that you can get where you want....I wouldn't reccommend jumping into a relationship with your friend right away....take it slowly and follow your heart:)
Reply:Tell him your issues with the relationship and the problem with him seeing these sites and interacting with women in a sexual manner.
If i'm honest though,
It is over before it has even begun,if you think this is bad then imagine what life is going to be like in a few years .
Your young and it sounds like you had nowhere near enought ime to really get to know each other.
Hope everything works out ,enjoy life and you will regret more than you have not done in twenty years than you have done!!
Reply:daym, this sounds like my story!
i married my husband after dating for 2 months and it was last year in april. he is in the military, we moved to japan and now I am pregnant. the beginning was extremely rocky and he gave me an std but u know the military offers counseling and stuff so take advantage of it.
we are now madly in love.... also, go to the military doctor and tell them your marriage is stressful so u can get some xanax...that stuff will make your arguments go away because u will be so relaxed
i love being married. why dont u tuff it out... divorce is not an option.. try harder and if u dont love him, leave em'
Reply:you need to work on your marriage, it makes no sense getting involved with another right when you are going through rough patches in your marriage, b/c all that shows is rebound, only b/c there are issues in your marriage, then you feel like your hubby isn't the one, when you need to focus on rebuilding what is lost in your marriage, i mean i know a marriage is alot of hard work, and in order for it to work you need to invest the time and work into it to resolve all the issues, you said that he has straightened up since then so it's best that you work on repairing what is damaged in your relationship.GL.
Reply:OUCH!!!! The fact is that you made a committment to your husband as did he to you when you got married. Both of you need to seek a marriage counselor to get back on track.
Sounds like you're trying to rebound into your old boy friends arms...you guys didn't make it as a couple then, why now. You're remembering all of the good times with the old guy and living through some bad times with the husband.
You're not in the wrong place when you are trying to do the right thing. It is really hard to forgive someone, and even harder to forget it. Get some help and good luck.
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